OH! The Humanity!
Wake up. Get out of bed. What time is it? 8:30, ok, time to get ready for the day. Clothes on, no wait. I have to shower, always shower, humans need to be clean, they always make a huge deal about it.
Oh jeez, I should probably mention, I’m not a human. I’m what the humans would call an alien I guess. I’m from the planet Klapork, and I am a Thrastfoff. My name is Gorr, however my human name is John Smith. I came here on a science trip of sorts, well more like a research trip. I’m not here to invade, no that’d be very hard with just me. But I am here to see what the humans are like. How they act. And I, disguised as one of their own, am here to assimilate into the population so as to set a landing spot for my brothers on my home planet to head the actual invasion. I know, it sounds a little harsh, coming here fitting in, and then back stabbing everyone I ever met to help my race take over, but that’s how it goes in this type of deal.
Anyway, today’s a big day! I have a job interview at a law firm. I spent all night studying to be a lawyer on Earth, and I feel as though I have a good grasp on the concept. I’m going to head out soon, but first, breakfast. In the fridge, all of my roommate’s food, however in my room, my food. I have Ylkf, a traditional dish made with a bird like creature from my home planet, Tiuy, a kind of spread that we distill from the guts of Gtad (a dog like creature). And finally, WonderBread, because this Earth bread is absolutely delicious. But I’m almost out, I must remember to shop after my interview. After my sandwich, I get dressed, and look in the mirror to see how I look. How vain these humans are. All they care about is how good someone looks, not the merit of their personality. But if I am to fit in with them, I must act and look like the best of them.
My roommate Jerry is sitting on the couch as I walk through the living room. “Catch the game last night?” I ask him, just as I had seen a man do on a television show the other night.
“What game?” he replied. Damn I’m going to have to think of who could have played.
“Uh… The Jets?” I almost asked myself.
“Oh, no. I didn’t know they were playing.” He said to himself, “Where are you going, dressed all spiffy?”
“I have a job interview,” I started in, “at Thomas Dorfman Law Firm today.”
“Oh nice! Hey listen,” he was about to drop a bombshell, I know it, “I was in your room the other day trying to find what was causing the apartment to smell funk, and I noticed some strange looking stuff. Any insight to what it may have been?”
My mind was blank. What would it look like? What human food would it look like? “You found it?” I mused.
“Yeah obviously, what is it?” he’s getting too close.
“I don’t know, but I’ve been trying to find what that smell was for days. Thanks for the help!” I said quickly.
I don’t know if he bought it necessarily, but I think I saved myself. Anyway, I can’t dwell on it, I have to go to the interview.
Off I went to the bus stop. I’m not used to the streets being so empty. On my planet there are people walking around everywhere. It’s part of the reason we’re coming to Earth. More space. It still feels so empty, even though these people think it’s so crowded.
I feel weird about how Jerry reacted this morning. I know I said I couldn’t dwell on it, but I mean what if he had found out? I’m not scared because he’d know I was an alien, but I have grown to like Jerry, and I feel as though him finding out I was different would make him hate me. Not to mention the fact that I would probably be executed, but I guess that sense of belonging comes with humanity. But enough about feelings, I need to focus.
The bus. I have to take the bus. I don’t know what to expect. I’ve never been on one of these things before, and the people here are so weird. As I get on I notice a man looking at me, sizing me up. I’m not sure if he does this to everyone he sees or if he just thinks I’m going to cause him trouble. Either way, I’ll sit far away from him. It’s not bad on this thing, not bad at all. The driver jolted the bus forward as an old man was walking down the aisle.
“Excuse me,” I said to the driver, “That man hadn’t sat down yet.”
“So?” he asked distainfully, “Listen bud, I have to make it to the next stop on time with the schedule, so if one person gets a little jostled by the bus, it ain’t my fault.”
What an idiot, he could have seriously injured that man. But as I turned to sit, I noticed everyone was staring at me, even the old man. And they weren’t warm, “You did the right thing” stares, they were, “What the hell’s your problem” stares. Was what I did weird? Was it wrong? I may have just gave everything away.
As soon as I got to my stop, I got up and out of the bus and started walking to the office. It wasn’t for a couple steps until I realized I was being followed. The guy. The one who was sizing me up on the bus. What did he want? Should I turn around to talk to him or-
“Hey pal, wait up.” He yelled to me.
“Sorry man, I have to keep going,” I said trying to hide the fear in my voice, “important meeting to get to.”
“I gotta ask you something though,” he said running after me.
He’s going to attack me, I know he is. I stopped and braced myself for the fight to come.
“Hey, aren’t you that guy I met at the store the other day?” he asked as I recoiled from my position, “You left your wallet on the counter.”
My God, I can’t believe I thought the worst of this man. Greg or John or Bob or something, whatever the name, he had done a kind act. I am guilty of judgement now.
That’s when I realized it, we are all human. Whether we are alien or from a different country, we are all human, it doesn’t matter if we fit in, or if we stand out, as long as we are who we are, we are all human, and capable of compassion. That’s it. I can’t believe it took me this long to realize it. And even though I have to bring back my information to my superiors, and we’re going to invade Earth, I think we’ll have more appreciation and understanding of humans as a species.
This is Gorr, I am John Smith, I am alien, and I am Human. But most of all, I am me.
Now I forgot about the social media aspect of this project, but I can assure you John Smith will be tweeting heavily all night and all weekend to fill the requirement.
You can follow John at @JSmithHuman on twitter.